


All by Myself in This Bed... With You

by BowDawn



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Marauders - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Light Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-11
Updated: 2019-05-11
Packaged: 2020-03-01 02:43:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18791380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BowDawn/pseuds/BowDawn
Summary: Lily is faced with a dilemma: she is to share a bed with the man she has been in love for a while. That doesn't mean James minds it at all. And as they find out, neither does their friends.





	All by Myself in This Bed... With You

**Author's Note:**

> ONE BED SITUATION BECAUSE I'M A HOE FOR THAT  
> It turned into a sort of angst? Idk, they took over me.

Lily did not believe what just happened. This could only be a nightmare.

She looked down, from the bed in front of her to her side, where the man stood with one of his hands in his pockets and another in his hair.

"I could act like a gentleman and sleep on the ground, but this room is so small I doubt my body will find a place."

Indeed the bed wasn't just king size. It was probably kingdom size. And he was tall. So _damn_ tall.

This was ridiculous.

And Lily would kill Marlene for pulling this up.

She heard him clear his throat twice before she turned fully to face him crossing her arms in front of her boobs. She knew she was only making them bigger for him, but right now she didn't care.

"Was this your doing Potter?"

He lift one elegant eyebrow and she could have swore he bite back a sigh. "Why would I be doing that, _Evans_?"

"From what I remember your crush in me lead you to make stupid things several times." She said coldly. Never mind that she also liked him back a whole bunch but was too stubborn to act upon her crush.

"Sure Evans, I've done stupid things to get your attention. They never paid off though." He crossed her way and sat on the bed. Looking exhausted.

"This could be your one last time." She heard herself saying in a small voice.

He let out a laugh. "Lily it's been over ten years. We're almost thirty. I don't do shit like that anymore. Besides I have a girlfriend."

Right. He did. Amelia.

She was suppose to be in the party today. Something had came up, as usual. And Lily was relief if she was telling herself the truth.

When they were teens Lily had liked James but not to the point of putting up with his personality. He was too much sometimes. No limits. So she dated other boys, never really going strong with any of them. It was fine though. She was focused in getting into uni.

When she did went to university, in Scotland that is, she thought she would move on from liking staring to his deep hazel eyes.

She did, for a while. Until her first summer at it. She was supposed to go travel without destination with Marlene and Mary. But Mary got a crazy internship and Marlene started going out with Sirius, from all people.

Then James was a sort of constant in her life.

Well, as much as they could. James and Sirius shared a flat in London and Marlene was living near enough she would spend all weekend there. It was no surprise that every so while she would tell Lily a tale that was just the sort of thing James and Sirius would do.

They meet up in parties when she was back in England. And he did tried one last time, in a more behaved way, to ask her out. But she declined, with her in Scotland and him in England it would never work.

So they stayed acquainted. At the most. She thought she was fine without him in her life. Even though she would laugh the hardest with the stories. Even if he had grown into a caring man. Even if his personality didn't seem like a problem anymore.

After uni she got a job in London and started seeing this guy named Jeff. He was perfect. Nice, polite, charming and well in life. He was five years older than her, so she started to frequent her usual hang out less and less by the minute.

She would catch up with her her friends when she could, not so much her friends from Scotland as they were too far. Marlene was a the most she saw, as she eventually moved in to be closer to Sirius.

Still they didn't called themselves boyfriend and girlfriend. They would go out with other people. They never moved in together. Lily wasn't even sure if they ever even said "I love you" to each other.

They did their thing and she did hers. With Jeff.

Until Amelia. That's when everything changed. Because as soon as Marlene said that James would bring his girlfriend to Mary's birthday party, Lily has never felt more heartbroken.

When the day of the party arrived, Lily dressed to kill, only to find out that neither of them would come because Amelia had another birthday party to go from someone of her job and needed James with her.

During the whole time Sirius had complained about James' new girlfriend. How she was taming him. Not allowing him to do anything anymore. Saying his relationship with Sirius was too intimate. And she listened to all, swearing to hate on the woman as well.

Later on that night Lily stalked Amelia's instagram and found that she looked like a normal person and she shouldn't hold a grudge on her. Sirius would hate on anyone that came between him and his brother.

So she kept stalking. Most of the time on James, if she would admit to herself. Just in case Sirius needed a partner when ranting.

It took her months to realize that what she was feeling wasn't supposed to be happening. She felt as if she was still crushing on the boy she studied with since year seven.

Her solution was obvious. Ignore it.

Never mind that when she was with Jeff she felt herself caring less and less about what he was thinking and feeling. Never mind that she avoided going out her older friends, to the point of not going to Peter's promotion party, only so she wouldn't cross _his_ way.

Her friends in the other hand, thought it was Jeff's doing and she couldn't bring herself to confess: 'Actually, I'm second guessing every decision I made since I was fifteen and can't deal with it right now.'

It was only when Jeff finally bend his knee him front of her and asked her to marry him that she couldn't lie to anyone anymore. To Jeff. To herself. To her friends. It wasn't fair.

He wasn't expecting her to say 'no' even less for her to break with him on the spot. She told him everything. Well sort of everything, she didn't mention James'. Only claimed to have fallen in love with another person.

And he was pissed. Called her several names before leaving her in the restaurant's parking lot alone.

She called Marlene, crying, not a single word forming properly. Her friend understood enough and went to her flat, bringing Mary along. The three musketeers they've called themselves when they were twelve.

A whole bottle of tequila consumed  and the whole story went out of Lily more easily than before. She eventually made the girls swear not to tell anymore once all of them were sober enough and with a minor hangover, only to find out that Marlene had indeed already told Sirius.

And he was beside himself. Demanding her to make a move and break _Jamelia_ , as Amelia insisted in calling their relationship.

She of course, did nothing and after a while they've realized that James was serious with the woman and left it at that. Not that they had much choice. They barely saw him anymore.

 

They've been dating for the past three years, Lily realized as she stared at the bed. It was a miracle he was even here today.

Before she known it, she heard herself asking. "Why you're here James?"

His head moved to look at her and frowned. "I'm here because I didn't really confirmed my presence to Marlene's birthday and she didn't book me a room. And as you were the only one with the room by yourself..." He waved his hand as if saying the rest.

She clicked her tongue at him. "I meant at the party James. It's not like we expect you to not come, but you never do. Something is always up."

He sighed heavily. "That's really not your concern. Look can we just go to bed? I drove all day to arrive here in time. I'm tired. And I need to wake up early to go back to London." He got up from the bed and started to unpack his bag to find what he needed to get ready.

"You're not staying for tomorrow?" She asked.

His shoulders slumped more. "No, I need to go back tomorrow in the early hours. I have something… with Amelia."

She nodded looking everywhere but him. "You can use the bathroom first, I will take a shower before bed."

He gave her a long look and as he closed the bathroom door she fell into the bed.

She really was going to kill Marlene. She lifted her arse and picked her phone from the hidden pocket her undershorts had.

It rang twice before she heard _them_.

"What the fuck are you doing calling Marls? You should be fucking my boy into breaking up with that beast."

She had to turn down the volume of her phone in hopes of James not hearing anything.

"Sirius you can not be **serious** right now. Marlene get your arse in here." She used her mum voice. The same one she used when her cat, Minerva, did something bad.

She heard a huttle and soon Marlene's voice filled the line. "Oh sush Lils. Don't be like this. We all know how you're in love with James. Specially lately! Ever since that new version of Anne of Green Gables was released and you keep saying how much Gilbert reminds you of James. I'm not saying to fuck him, but maybe make your feelings clear to him. He will definitely break up with Amelia to marry you and give your chubby little babies."

Damn herself for even saying to Marls about how much she's been on James' instagram because of that series. "Marlene that's not how things work and you know damn well."

"Oh you're talking to Marlene?" James deep voice filled the room. Lily jumped from where she was in bed, not having heard him coming. She felt herself warming up from her core up her face.

Before she could answer him a piercing sound came from her phone as Marlene clearly yelled. "Sorry lovies, I'm gonna suck Sirius' dick now, can't chat."

Lily only understood what she said because she heard from the sharing wall separating the rooms. She banged her hand twice in response.

When she looked back at James he was grinning.

"Right." She stood up, picking her bag. "I'm gonna..." Pointing and walking towards the bedroom, silently asking James to let her pass.

"Oh sorry." He jumped out of her way. "Do you prefer any side for the bed?"

She was never ask that question. Not really. "The right one please."

She saw him nodding his head twice before closing the door.

As soon as she was safe inside she let out a breath.

She walked in front of the mirror and whispered to herself. "You can do this. It's just a night. It's not like his cologne is so good you can still smell it. It's not like you maybe will wake up smelling a little bit like that."

She shook her hand trying to forget the line of thoughts she was going.

 

Lily wasn't one of these people who could take a quick shower and be done. She needed time. She needed to relax. Specially right now. And she needed him to be asleep once she went back.

So she took her time, washing her hair and all. It was hot enough she didn't need to dry.

When she was back in the room James was facing the ceiling, with his hands behind his head, eyes shut, breathing deeply.

She tried to make as little sounds as she could as she crossed the room and laid in bed. The first thought of how big the bed had vanished when she realized how much James occupied it. They were much closer than she would've wanted.

A lie really. All she wanted was for him to cuddle her.

She needed to control herself. Stop thinking about James. In any other way.

"Lily stop moving, you're going to fall of the bed." Hearing his voice made her go still. She turned her head and saw he was in the same position as before.

She copied him. Staring at the ceiling not really feeling any time pass. She forced herself to close her eyes and think about nothing. To go to sleep. When slumber was finally reaching her, she heard him again. Nothing more than a whisper.

"I was supposed to marry her."

Lily felt her stomach drop. "Oh."

"That's why I'm here." He didn't move to look at her or anything.

"Not following."

"I can't marry her." She turned to better look at him, but kept quiet. "I thought I loved her. I mean, I do. In a way. That wasn't fake. I didn't love her at first. She was just some lass in a skirt. And." One of his hand pinched his nose and eyes. "And I was trying to get over you. I really liked you, you know? It was hard knowing about you with your ex, so I moved on. Or tried. Several times. With several girls. It wasn't until Amelia that I felt something. So I grabbed into it."

Lily wanted to cry. Her heart was pounding insanely.

"She hated Sirius and I knew it. Hated how unpolish he was. How unapologetic he acted.  But I was fine with it, because with her, I didn't think about you. Then I think I fell in love with her, or got used to her presence. I don't know. It was weird not having her by my side and so I never wanted to be not be by her side. She refused to go anywhere near my friends, but I was okay with it. Even if her friends at work were boring as hell. Even if I was honest with myself, I haven't been myself for the past few years. Not really..."

Lily moved her hand closer as if to comfort him, thinking best of it when she realized he might not want it.

"She started talking about marrying and having kids. And I want that. I've always wanted that. I want a big house full of kids. So I thought I've found someone to share a life. But I kept refusing to buy any ring, I knew my mum want me to give her own engagement ring to the woman I marry… Amelia though, would've hated the ring. I just -"

He sighed again.

"Just kept avoiding doing so." He took a pause before continuing. "Last week, when we were at dinner, she gave me the small box. Saying she knew I would never act upon myself so she went there and picked her own ring. The thing is atrocious, it has no personality, yet is what she wanted. It was fine, I suppose. So I pocket the box and tried to plan something. We don't live together but I stay over her apartment a lot. She has this calendar in the kitchen for big events, so I wrote Marls party for us to come. Just once. If was going to marry her she would have to start hanging out with my friends. Would have to accept Sirius as my brother. Would have to deal with how Peter is. And how sometimes we need to drop everything to go help Remus."

Lily felt herself nodding, holding her own throat to no allow a sob from leaving her.

"I wake up one day and in the bloody thing is written 'Proposal at the Ritz. Reservation made at seven.' I was never so shocked in my life. She had already given me the ring. Then she proceeds to erase my note on the calendar and replace it with that. It was fine though. It was okay, she didn't make it to be mean. She just gave me a little push right? And I know a whole weekend with everyone was too much. I needed to start smaller. She would need to adjust."

He turned to look only to see her shaking her head. He sadly grin at her.

"I didn't even tell my parents about the ring. About the proposal. I knew my mum wouldn't approve. I know deep down she just hoped Amelia was just a girlfriend, nothing more. I knew that dad thinks she likes to control me too much, dislikes when she says she is the breaks to my car. So when saturday arrived and I was on my flat. Alone. Looking at the ring. And my guts told me to not do it. Sirius had left friday night to come here. I wasn't supposed to come. And I did something out of impulse for the first time in years. Packed a bag and I drove here. Texted Sirius when stopped for gas letting him know. Texted Amelia saying where I was coming and that I would talk to her at lunch in the next day. And tried to stay calm. I had one last thing to do."

He was looking at her so intensely she couldn't back off and look away.

"I came here to say goodbye. To you. I haven't seen most of you guys in years. Yet you were my first thought when I saw myself marrying Amelia. And when I got here… I realized I couldn't do it. I couldn't marry her."

He nodded at her and resumed back to his first position, staring the ceiling. Lily was dozing off again when he asked.

"Sirius told me you said no to Jeff because you weren't ready to marry him."

When Lily looked up his dark eyes were on her. "Are you second guessing not marrying Amelia?"

"No. I wanted to know how you knew you couldn't go through it."

She nodded her head and sat up in bed. Forcing herself to wake up a bit. "Jeff in a sort of way was like Amelia. He was good to me, I really liked him, but I eventually lost myself in him. I would mostly hang out with his friends, he was way older than me, so they acted differently. And I thought it was what I was suppose to do. Follow him. He didn't control me or anything. I just went along with anything. Something..." She trailed off not ready to tell him the whole truth. "Something happened and I freaked out. I ignored it until I couldn't anymore."

"Did he hurt you?" He sounded angry. He was still lying in bed but looking at her.

"Oh, no. No. It's was something else. Something that made me see what was happening in my life with other eyes."

He nodded.

"I tried to just live my life as if nothing had changed. It had though. When Jeff asked me to marry him it was the most terrifying moment of my life. I couldn't go through it."

"You don't wanna get marry?"

"I do. I do! Vanilla marriage with kids. Spicy sex though." She said even feeling her whole face lighting up from blushing.

He cracked a laugh. "Good."

"It was just Jeff. He had nothing wrong with him. I just wasn't fit to stay with him. Does that makes any sense?"

"Yeah."

She nodded at him, lying back to bed. The remained silent and eventually Lily felt asleep.

 

When she woke up again James wasn't there. Lily never felt so much alive in a long time. James was going to end things with Amelia. Or she thought he would. He didn't confirm but he wasn't marrying her.

The party was starting again when she left her room. Marlene and Mary demanded her to tell everything that had happened the night before, as if Lily would tell them anything.

She was looking at a swan sitting down on the edge of the lake when Sirius and Remus sat each beside her.

"Red." Sirius said swinging his beer towards his lips.

She nodded at both of them before looking back at the swan.

Remus cleaned his throat. "Have James tell you anything?"

"About?" She asked not bothered to look at him.

"Ditching Amelia for you." Sirius said.

Her heart stopped.

"What?"

"That answer your question Moony."

Lily felt her world going dizzy.

"Not how I wanted to break the news, but... Yes. He is going to break up with Amelia. Is probably doing it so now."

Her head kept moving from one man to the other, not daring to say a thing.

"And he wants you." Sirius said looking rather bored.

"He doesn't." She said automatically.

"He does." Remus said.

"No. He told me everything last night. How he couldn't marry her. How he wanted to be himself again. Be around you guys."

"Yes. We know that." Sirius brought his bottle one more time to his mouth only to find it empty. He got up and went get some more.

"Lils." Remus said gently. "James texted me, asking for you number."

Lily swore something was inside her ears, she felt her eyesight tunneling.

"Lils?"

"Yeah." She shook her head trying to focus on Remus.

"Can I give him your number?"

"Yes." She tried not to sound desperate. The smile he gave told her otherwise.

"It's done then." He got up and left.

In time for Sirius to come back and sit next to her. And in time for her phone to buzz.

She read the text three times.

 

 **Unknown Number:** Hi Lily.

This is James, I hope it was okay to ask Remus for your number.

I was thinking we could meet up for coffee this week, if you're available.

 

"Gods, she ruined him. Look at how polite he is. You better bring my boy back to normal Lily. You're the only one that can." Sirius said looking over her shoulder to read the message.

"Sirius!" She shoved him lightly to give her privacy.

"You're a mad one. Will be perfect for him! Just tell him when you're free and be done with it." He didn't bother to take Lily's hand of him, he just drank more of his beer.

"Right. Bugger off now."

"Yes, now be a good girl and reply to him."

 

They meet up more than one time that week for coffee. He looked much better now. As if a weight has been lifted from him.

They were in her flat on thursday night because Marlene was being so extremely loud that Lily heard her through the phone and invited James to just come over. She did without really thinking but she couldn't say she minded at all.

James had brought pizza and a bottle of wine. They end up eating the whole thing and drinking not only that bottle but another one Lily had.

The movie they were watching had long ended and James made to go back to his place but Lily insisted he stayed, as he had drank too much to drive. He did tell her he was getting an Uber but Lily had none of it.

Then she insisted some more in sharing her bed.

One because she was totally drunk.

"We've done it before James. It's fine."

"You have a perfect good couch."

Two because she was being a perfect host.

"My couch sucks, my bed is better."

"It's only for a night."

Three because she wanted him and had no idea on how long she could put it out.

"I really do not mind. Also I really do not want to go find a decent sheet and blanket for you to use."

"Fine."

They laid in bed as the first time. Lily was again turning too much trying to find a position. James in the other hand, kept quiet.

Her bed was smaller than the hotel they've stayed. She could feel the heat coming from him much more now. Or maybe it was the wine that got in her head.

"I wanna tell you something but I don't want you to think this is only the wine talking nor that you need to react in any way to please me." His voice was low and thoughtful.

"The wine did help though?"

"Yes."

She turned to look at him, silently telling him to go on.

"I didn't break up with Amelia only because she was taking my identity away. I was feeling disconnect with her because I started to feel something more for someone else. So I needed to just see what would happen."

He turned to look at her not saying anything else.

"What would happen if..." She pressed.

"I went to the party to say goodbye. I told you this much."

She nodded.

"Yet when saw you in the navy blue dress." He smiled at her. "The same colour as our school uniform… I realized I couldn't do it. I couldn't marry her. Not when I still have feelings for you."

His voice was low and hoarse as he was done. Lily stared at him as if this was all a dream.

"It was supposed to be just a crush from my teenage years. I haven't seen you in so long… That when I saw you at Marls' party and felt my heart almost ripping my chest. I knew. Knew that trying to move on didn't work at all in the end."

"After all these years?" She murmured.

"Yes." He whispered back.

She gave him a grin. "So that was your doing, wasn't it?"

He took a while to realized what he was asked but then closed his eyes and blushed. "Sirius offered me to share a room together and put you and Marlene together, but a very selfish part of me said no. Are you mad?"

She thought about it for a while. "No."

He nodded. "Can I cuddle you just this once?"

She frowned at him. "It's all my fault."

"Your fault?" He backed away from her a little.

"Yes, you're stupid hair and your stupid grin and your stupid eyes. And how I swear you look like Gilbert. And how Jeff could never be you." She sighed. "I should had said yes the last time you asked me on a date. You have no idea how I regret that."

He laughed as he pull her towards him.

"Good." She nuzzled in his neck. "Care to explain your little outbreak?"

"I fancy you James. Have been fancying you for quite some time actually. At first I was with Jeff and it was fine until it wasn't. Then you were with Amelia and all just seemed like a lost opportunity."

He kissed the top of her head and hugged her tighter. "Hush love, we can fix it now."

Lily pulled back just enough to look him in the eyes. "Together."

He bend down and nuzzled his nose with hers. "Saturday. You and me. At the Three Brooms Pub. What do you think?

"It's a date." And her smile was never widder.

"It's a date then." Giving her another kiss on the top of her head. "Carrots."

 

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on tumblr: bow-dawn.tumblr.com


End file.
